A friend shared something someone very near to me said recently. They didn’t say this about me, but about someone in my same position of being childless. She made the statement, “I don’t think they really want kids. I think they’re too selfish to actually want kids. I mean they go and do what they want whenever they want and you can’t behave that way when you have kids.” Let me tell you something- the couple that she stated this about desperately longed to have children. They will be AMAZING parents. And yes, when they become parents, their lifestyle will adjust. However, right now – they don’t. So if they want to go and do as they please when they please, THEY CAN!
This just set me on fire. Just because a couple doesn’t have kids but want kids, should live as though they have kids? Should they be a child’s routine? Should they stay in every night? Just because they don’t live as though they are caring for children doesn’t mean they don’t desperately pray for children. Look my husband and I are two grown adults. We don’t have children. It doesn’t mean we don’t have jobs, a nice home, a full life, or responsibilities. It just means we don’t have children in our home.
While that comment did not pertain to me, I’ll touch on something that did concern my husband and I last night. We like to go out and have dinner with friends. Rarely, we may go out to a bar for drinks. It’s so funny to see people’s comments, particularly on social media. Last night we went out and I posted it on Snapchat. We went to an Irish pub on the eve of St. Patrick’s day with friends for dinner and drinks. Despite the fact that we were home before 11 o’clock and everyone handled their alcohol extremely well. We enjoyed great adult conversation, celebrated St. Patrick’s day with Irish whiskey, Irish music and Irish dancers in a snug off in the corner. We celebrated our friends, who just found out they matched with the hospital of their choice for their residency, as they’ve been attending medical school. Yet, seeing a few posts on social media you’d have thought we were piss drunk and throwing down.
Here’s the thing. When you don’t have children, you can do whatever you want. If child free married adults want to jump up and down in the town square singing Jeremiah was a bullfrog at 3 o’clock in the morning, there is nothing stopping them short of a noise complaint and the local PD. It does not for one single moment mean they are too selfish to have children. It simply means they don’t have children in that moment. Who are you to judge them on their choices simply because their lives are different from your own? It does not mean that you have grown past them. It does not mean you are now superior to them. It does not mean a damn thing other than you have different responsibilities.
I am so tired of these mothers, and it is NOT all mothers, only a small handful, that walk around and act as if they are on some sort of pedestal. They are not. We all are living life and we are all facing struggles. We may not be in the same place at any given moment, but do not demean someone else’s life because it is different. It surely shows how small you truly are.
And the thing is, is that you see this in so many different stages of life. When a girl is single, she’s looked down upon by the girls with boyfriends. The ones with boyfriends, by the ones with fiance’s. The engaged girls by the wives, the wives by the mothers, the ones that work vs the ones that stay at home and it goes on and on. Why is it so difficult for women to simply put their judgement and need to be a step ahead of one another down and simply be there for one another? Instead of talking crap, help one another along. Stop judging one another, and celebrate one another. If you don’t have children, soak it up. I’m pretty sure there’s a mother out there wishing she could have a night out. If you do have children, soak it up. I’m pretty sure there’s a woman out there wishing she could be at home snuggled up with her own little ones. Whatever you do though, stop casting judgement on others because their life is different from your own.