When Women Get Sick

We always here about man colds. Well I am not your typical woman when I get sick. I want to be left alone and I want everyone to tend to themselves. Let me lay in bed and sleep. Bring me sprite and banana popsicles and leave me alone.  I don’t need fancy smancy gourmet chocolate popsicles- I want simple $1 a box banana popsicles. Don’t bring the variety pack. I want banana. Don’t get complicated. 

But y’all…. I’ve been sick for two days and between my husband and my boss I swear to heavens I just want to scream. My husband is so concerned with when I’m going to cook and he won’t accept something easy. He wants steak. And my boss can’t run the office Bc he is too busy and I have to be there. I am so over men right now it’s ridiculous. I just want to sleep people!!!! 

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Pinterest Perfect- Cleaning Checklist

I really thought when I started this that this one would be the biggest joke. I picked out a few different checklist and gave them a whirl. 

This is what didn’t work and why I got frustrated with them. My house was a hot mess and there isn’t a hot mess checklist. (Perhaps I should make one 🤔) there is not a list that is going to fit your home perfectly. It’s just not.  Most addressed kids and I have pets instead of kids. I have a husband that is a teacher that leaves his homework everywhere. So you are going to have to make adjustments to each one.  

What I didn’t expect…. my house is really much more clean than I expected and I’ve become much more adware of the little things. I constantly find myself cleaning a room before I leave it.  And methodically doing things so they will be more productive. 

Of course it hasn’t been THAT long… but it’s a start. I’ll follow up in a month or so and let you know if it keeps! 

A Bit of Progress

I have worked and worked on my home the last few days. Focusing on each room as I went. I got up early this morning and worked a bit more. Then I came home this afternoon and realized I had started developing a routine for when I get off work. I stopped and looked around and dang! I see a real difference in my house. 

Maybe this whole Pinterest Perfect stuff wasn’t such a bad idea. 

And tonight… my Pinterest recipe was bacon wrapped meatloaf with roasted diced potatoes! 

Seriously….

So I’ve been implementing Pinterest in my daily life. Things I have learned thus far….

1. I am not making my own terriyaki marinade when I have it in the fridge.

2. The women who do these hair tutorial and make up tutorial routines daily must not sleep nearly enough! It takes so much time in the mornings y’all! 

3. These cleaning checklist are for houses that are already spotless. 

4. These recipes are fantastic. Your family probably won’t eat have of them. 

So…. I’ll update more soon! #illneverbepinterestperfect 

Becoming Pinterest Perfect

Has anyone else ever looked at Pinterest home decor and wondered where all of the real homes were? You know the ones people live in with other people, maybe a few kids, a couple of pets. Where are THOSE pics?? How do women cook these glorious meals every night? Does anyone REALLY use the cleaning checklist??? Well… I need a life distraction so I’m throwing myself into becoming Pinterest Perfect. After consulting with my best girlfriends and we have settled on a list of the ultimate 7 (that apply to my life) to do over the next 5 weeks! 

1. Home Decor. I’m going to tackle a different room each week! 

2. Recipes! Oh my poor husband will get a different recipe each day!

3. Style! Outfits, hair and Make Up

4. Exercise! Oh the exercise plans! 

5. Cleaning : natural diy cleaners, checklist, organizing! Can’t wait to see my house! 

6. Quotes. My life will be filled with quote after quote! 

7. Classroom Mom. Okay I am not a mom, but my husband is a teacher! So I am going to prepare a treat for the 4th grade students in his class! 
I am honestly a bit nervous! This is a TON to take on but what else do I have to do? It’s not like I have kids! Ha! 
Today I am going to start with the cleaning, organizing and diy cleaners! Stay Tuned!

But Life Got in the Way

I always thought I’d marry and have kids by 25. I always imagined these big lavish vacations. I expected a beautiful perfectly decorated home. I expected a huge family always surrounding me. But life got in the way.

I always thought I’d finish college. That I’d have a grand career. That I’d do something that mattered. But life got in the way.

So what is life? What exactly got in the way? A lack of funding. A broken engagement was life. Being diagnosed with a pituitary tumor at two o’clock on a Thursday afternoon at 22 was life. Brain Surgery at 25 was life. Loving someone with PTSD was life. Being diagnosed with infertility was life. Struggling for years to have children is life. 

But life got in the way. My determination failed. My goals changed. My dreams weakened and weren’t so important anymore. Life got in the way.

 I’m not the only one who had life get in the way. It happens to most of us. It’s just how life works. 

But do we take this and just accept it or do we adjust our goals and dreams and go after them again. Is the only thing REALLY keeping us from these things life? Or can we achieve them inspite of life? Is life got in the way simply the ultimate excuse?

The Keeper of the Secrets

Growing up I guess I never realized the vast number of secrets I carried. My entire being actually being the biggest. I never realized that my parents marriage was a secret from my fathers children with his second wife. I never knew I was a hidden secret. It’s funny how you realize these things as you age.

I remember it like it was yesterday. It was towards the end of my 2nd grade year when my step brother (and yes I shall call him what he is.) made a comment as we rode in the back of a truck on a trip to Colorado.  He asked me how my father was even my dad when he didn’t even pay taxes on me. This was the first time I ever remember thinking why would anyone question if he’s my dad. Looking back now, I see he was confused and trying to make sense of how this girl, that lived an hour away could be his sister when she lived with a totally different family.

I was 14 when I was with my dad at Christmas time. The first and only time he ever had me stay with his family. I was standing in the store they owned and their ” very good friends” stopped in to chat with them and thought I was a customer. When they explained that no I was his daughter from a first marriage the shock was clear on their faces. They were their very good friends and never knew of my existence.

I was 18 when my half brother told me they hadn’t known long that my step brother had a different father. I remember it was around that same time my grandmother told me that she and my step mother had seen him at a casino.

I knew the day we buried my grandmother that my relationship with him was over. And I was right. He never wanted to be a part of my life. And now he moves away from me to escape the keeper of all the secrets. I guess I’ve never been good at keeping secrets. I guess I never felt the need to hide who I was. However, I have felt the anger, resentment, and bitterness of watching the man that should have been there for me instead raise someone else’s child. This didn’t make me want to keep his secret. It made me want to jump and scream and shout in the streets that I existed. I mattered. And that I was more than deserving. I went through hell at the hands of the one that should have protected me. Through his abandonment he allowed all the hell I experienced in my young life to happen.

I am the shame of his past. I am the one he wishes never existed. I am his greatest mistake.

Sad but true. So now, why all of these years later can I not move past it. Why at 33 years of age, can I not let go the mistakes of he made.

That’s simple. The mistakes he made scared me. The mistakes he made claimed me to never be good enough,, to always expect people to walk out, to always expect the worse because there is no one that will ever  be there to protect me again. He didn’t break me. He destroyed me from the very beginning. And he sends me notes in the mail that say there is no end to a fathers love and my question to this stranger is when the hell did he ever start loving me. A note that says there is no end to a fathers love will never replace the letter he wrote saying he wanted nothing more to do with me when I was 14 years old.

And to say I’m the only child that has ever felt this way? That would be a miracle. Unfortunately, there are millions out there just like me. The divorced kids as we were called when we were growing up. The kids that were never hidden from life’s truths. The ones that see the world as clearly as it is because it’s the harsh reality in which they were raised. My father raised me. He raised me the day he walked out and I had to learn to stand alone.

You see, I am the keeper of the secrets. I know the truth because I could never be hidden from it. I’m the keeper of the secrets because I am the secret.

 

 

 

Acting like a Lamb

The last few months I have been in somewhat of a weakened state. I have been acting like a lamb, almost helpless. However, that is so not me.  I’m not a lamb. I am a lion. I am a fighter. I am a conquered. I face challenges with a fierce determination to not fail. Why? Because I have no other choice than to make it happen myself.

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