Everyone’s Life is Different.

A friend shared something someone very near to me said recently. They didn’t say this about me, but about someone in my same position of being childless. She made the statement, “I don’t think they really want kids. I think they’re too selfish to actually want kids. I mean they go and do what they want whenever they want and you can’t behave that way when you have kids.” Let me tell you something- the couple that she stated this about desperately longed to have children. They will be AMAZING parents. And yes, when they become parents, their lifestyle will adjust. However, right now – they don’t. So if they want to go and do as they please when they please, THEY CAN!

This just set me on fire. Just because a couple doesn’t have kids but want kids, should live as though they have kids? Should they be a child’s routine? Should they stay in every night? Just because they don’t live as though they are caring for children doesn’t mean they don’t desperately pray for children. Look my husband and I are two grown adults.  We don’t have children. It doesn’t mean we don’t have jobs, a nice home, a full life, or responsibilities. It just means we don’t have children in our home.

While that comment did not pertain to me, I’ll touch on something that did concern my husband and I last night. We like to go out and have dinner with friends. Rarely, we may go out to a bar for drinks. It’s so funny to see people’s comments, particularly on social media. Last night we went out and I posted it on Snapchat. We went to an Irish pub on the eve of St. Patrick’s day with friends for dinner and drinks. Despite the fact that we were home before 11 o’clock and everyone handled their alcohol extremely well. We enjoyed great adult conversation, celebrated St. Patrick’s day with Irish whiskey, Irish music and Irish dancers in a snug off in the corner. We celebrated our friends, who just found out they matched with the hospital of their choice for their residency, as they’ve been attending medical school. Yet, seeing a few posts on social media you’d have thought we were piss drunk and throwing down.

Here’s the thing. When you don’t have children, you can do whatever you want. If child free married adults want to jump up and down in the town square singing Jeremiah was a bullfrog at 3 o’clock in the morning, there is nothing stopping them short of a noise complaint and the local PD. It does not for one single moment mean they are too selfish to have children. It simply means they don’t have children in that moment. Who are you to judge them on their choices simply because their lives are different from your own? It does not mean that you have grown past them. It does not mean you are now superior to them. It does not mean a damn thing other than you have different responsibilities.

I am so tired of these mothers, and it is NOT all mothers, only a small handful, that walk around and act as if they are on some sort of pedestal. They are not. We all are living life and we are all facing struggles. We may not be in the same place at any given moment, but do not demean someone else’s life because it is different. It surely shows how small you truly are.

And the thing is, is that you see this in so many different stages of life. When a girl is single, she’s looked down upon by the girls with boyfriends. The ones with boyfriends, by the ones with fiance’s. The engaged girls by the wives, the wives by the mothers, the ones that work vs the ones that stay at home and it goes on and on. Why is it so difficult for women to simply put their judgement and need to be a step ahead of one another down and simply be there for one another? Instead of talking crap, help one another along. Stop judging one another, and celebrate one another. If you don’t have children, soak it up. I’m pretty sure there’s a mother out there wishing she could have a night out. If you do have children, soak it up. I’m pretty sure there’s a woman out there wishing she could be at home snuggled up with her own little ones. Whatever you do though, stop casting judgement on others because their life is different from your own.



What’s Really Important

The past few months, I’ve been quiet. I spent most of last year in reflection, and I’ve truly settled my past. So far this year I have felt a bit lost, unsure of where to go to next. I have felt our lives has been stuck on hold for a while now and we have both been incredibly restless.

Well, the past few weeks have been a bit frustrating. It started with little things, a shattered vanity mirror, a truck that needs work and being unable to find a mechanic, my Boston Terrier having several tumors pop up over night. It just felt like the devil was working.

And then yesterday happened. My husband’s school was locked down for active shooter. I’ll begin with everyone is okay. There have been few times I’ve worried for his safety. He is a trained combat veteran that can handle himself well. However yesterday he was a sitting duck in a room with 25 children to protect at the mercy of a gunman. He had no way to defend his kids but to sacrifice himself, something I knew he would do in an instant. So for three hours, my husband sat in a classroom on active shooter lockdown not knowing what to expect. My heart dropped. Yet, it wasn’t until I saw his face that the full weight of the situation truly hit me. I can’t get into details but I pray no one ever has to experience that again. Hold your spouse and your kids a little tighter. If your kids see something on social media- listen to them. Don’t dismiss them. Kids telling their teachers what they saw on facebook live saved lives.

And then there are the things that are going right. The things we focus on with gratitude inspire of all the bad. Our blessing. We have started the adoption process. I’m unable to disclose any info, but I will ask that you cover us in prayers as we go through this process.

Excited for the New Year

So the trend the last few years, mostly due to social media, has been to kill the vibe of the all those making New Years resolutions. I get it. It’s super annoying when everyone makes massive claims on your newsfeed and give up after a few weeks and a dozen posts about how they shouldn’t even bother when all their going to do is give up. Why the hate?? If someone is seeking out an opportunity to attempt to make their life better or reach a goal why kick them? Why make fun of them? Why go out of your way to be an ass?

Look I am as guilty as everyone else of putting too much on social media in the past. I probably put way too much information in my blog but if you don’t want to see the resolution post unfollow them. Please for the love of others don’t discourage someone trying to make a change. You don’t always know why they are using New Years as an opportunity to make a change. Maybe it’s as good a time as any. Maybe they’ve been putting it off. Maybe they have just been diagnosed with infertility and are trying to get healthier to have a baby. It’s none of your business why they do anything they want. But if they are your friend- it is your job to encourage and support them. If nothing else don’t be the asshole to do the opposite! K? K!

Removing Christ from Christmas

Without Jesus Christ there is no reason for anyone to celebrate Christmas. Christmas isn’t a holiday that Christians took over, or put their spin on. It IS a Christian holiday. It is the day we celebrate the birth of our Savior. Without Jesus being born of the Virgin Mary, he would have never died for our sins on a cross. If you want to take Christ out of Christmas because it’s just too Christian for you, stop celebrating it at all!! You want the wonder of Christmas, the wonder of Christmas IS Jesus Christ. It isn’t a red Santa suit you put on to trick your kids. The gifts under your tree are a representation of the gifts the wise men brought to Jesus. The star at the top of your tree is the representation of the Star that stood over the place where Jesus laid in a manger in a barn inBethlehem that people followed to come and see the newborn King. Call it a holiday all you want, the holiday is to celebrate JESUS!

Deep South Snow

As I sit here in a dark room illuminated by the soft lights on the Christmas tree and the flickering fire in the fire place I sip on hot apple cider and watch the snowflakes drift past my window. Mississippi has officially shut down. I’m sure people from places where it frequently snows think we are crazy! But the south isn’t prepared for snow. It happens so rarely that we just stop and enjoy it until it melts. Businesses close down, schools close, the roads aren’t drivable. No salt is put out, no plows are around. It’s just not like that down here.

Facebook is flooded with proclamations of SNOW DAY!! My boss just gave me the day off. Kids from just outside the snow zone text asking if they can come to your house for a snowball fight! ( my sweet Walker💕). And my big girl just attempted to make a puppy snow angel! Life is good today.

Music Frees the Soul

I love the rawness and passion in a singers voice when you stop hearing their vocal abilities and start hearing their soul. I want to feel what the musician is feeling as he plays each instrument. Any person can pick up a guitar and strum the chords. A musician makes the chords take on a new life. I want to feel their soul, the joy, their pain, their brokenness. I’d rather grit than a beautiful songbird any day. It’s real. It’s beautiful and it’s a beautiful so often over looked. We rather hear the beats and auto tunes of Pop stars on the radio instead the sounds of artist. I’m not a music snob. I love all of it. But I just think certain artist deserve more spotlight for pouring their souls out for the world.

The Sad Ends

I had a gentleman, super nice elderly man, stand at my desk today. He had one prosthetic leg, and was waiting to set up surgery on the other knee. He could barely walk. He rents a tiny little house that’s a duplex in the same neighborhood we lived when We were engaged. My heart broke.

The truth is, I see so many of these people every single day. I see and hear all of the sad stories. I see the wives cry, their in their fifties and the kids are grown. Their husbands are leaving. I see the widows and the widowers cry because they just lost their spouse. I’ve consoled mothers who lost children, who been at me when they come back in because I remembered their child. I’ve lost 14 clients in the last two years. I have seen divorces and people losing jobs. I see couples just starting out and couples at the end. I see the hope, the regret, I see it all.

We were all raised to believe it the fairy tale. I was raised to get through life. But when you think to the future we of course see marriage, children, a nice home, a steady career. We know we will face hard times but some people get more than hard times.

It hits me hard in this moment because this is the point in our lives that we decide what our end will look like. It terrifies me. My husband lost his job. It’s extremely unfortunate and nothing of his doing. The job just wasn’t a fit. Even still, my heart aches for him. I worry if he will easily find something else in the middle of the holidays, while having knee surgery. It’s scary to think what if we lose our home. How will bills be paid. Not being able to openly discuss it makes it so difficult.

It leads me to think that at any moment any of us living that fairy tale could be struck down at any moment. This year alone we have been told our only hope for children is IVF, they have found another tumor for me, he is facing another knee surgery, and now he loses his job. How many obstacles will God bring us through? Or will this take us to far? Is this how those that live fairytale failed lives got there? Is there any coming back from this?

The uncertainty certainly settles heavy on my chest.